THEY - Who Made up all these Rules

The other day on a general conversation i was asked weather I am an aeithist... I do not remmeber what got her to this question... or probably it was just an assumption... on her part... I heard i project a i don give a damn look so to speak (lol... please I have a weakness - I care too much)
My response - I think they call it agnosticism - I am under - The belief that there can be no proof either that God exists or that God does not exist. Basically I do not care... I believe in the word... as a prop to hold on to... a stick to check my line... and etc.
She responds - Well then you take the term for granted...
My respone - I guess I do... I do belive in being right and wrong... but I do not know about God I guess...
She responds - (intrupts more like) - So what is right and wrong... (I would have rebutted with the same question...
My response - (therefore with a smile) - well right is proally umm *thinks* i guess as long as i do not intetionally hurt a person... and wrong is something when I do know I will hurt the person... and do it anyway with the intention in mind... actually there is lot to it... the exceptions and the like... but yeah! in the end it all burns down to this...( ).







I often keep wondering who made up all these rules... really and we follow them like fools... what is this conception of right and wrong... who came up with the Idea of God... what made man to think there is a super power... is it just wishful thinking... our inbuilt modem of imagination spining a story... or is there a hard fact to it... is killing wrong... some say the fittest survive... so why is killing illegal... why are so many things illegal... why is divorce looked at as a social wrong... why is infidelity wrong... is it not just mans possesive streak playing the game... ??



IDK... sometimes I just belive it is our feelings that form the basis of all these rights and wrongs... and these mutants with the super power of influencing peoples head rally their thoughts and thus form the norms...







Ow!!



well probably it is my own wishful thinking :)



How do we care... we just need to live and live happily and well by happily i mean not the generic crap of being happy... but you know like doing what YOU like... or probably... like some say we all do have a purpose... LOL man... i think the problem with man is they think... LOL.. it is both an advantage and disadvantage.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is that Right and wrong... ? I belive it is just human.

Robert Frost -
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less travelledby,
And that has made all the difference.

----

When Mouths close it is because there is something important to be said
(The Witch of Portobello)

----

Well I am loving the book. More about it later.

I did go over to Harini's place as planned :). More about that too I will fill in later... however I have to record a few facts that I have come to realise... or well accept about myself. I never was in love. Nor am I in it right now. I have only craved and itched for what I did not get easy, I do not think love is even a right word for it because what I felt then... was not love it must have been want. It is not probably my active intention but I tend to bend towards something that is complicated and always have neglected what I got easy... that must be human : but yeah I just know it is not love... I am generally friendly, that is nothing out of the ordinary with me. To most people I come across as this very affable... proabably even very trusty and most likely i am all that but nothing of what i give is permanent... because none of my friendships or people I have known and speant good times with have ever been permanat. Most times it is my own doing... I alinate myself... I do not have the inclination to keep in touch... a phase where they do not seem important at all. Wrong/right I do not know. All I know is I have never actively hurt a persons feelings (to my knowledge). The people who have been consistent in my life and who dearly love are my parents, brother and Wilma( who I have come to take as my own sister)... and in the recent Harini... (we have known each other for around two years now but have come to like each others company talk and more.).

So. Why all this... Just feels better when you put it in black and white... probably a need to tell someone unbaised.

The day was lazy. But loved it all the same.

Well tomorrow is Feb 14 - Valentines day... means nothing to me... never has actually... so nothing new this year... but I will be bunking work, and again it just is coincidence... I just wanted to... did not occur to me it is Feb The 14th.

So... What am I going to do for the entire day---
I am going to be over at Harini's place... and chill... I am kind of sick and tired of the routine... so I am going to take a day off... read to my hearts content... and laze around and get some studies done in the mean time if i can. :)

Good deal aiy.


And It rained today too... I mean since last night... but it was super...


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hate giving people bad news. I really really hate that... Eventually they will know it anyway... but do I wait until eventually? I hate it. I really hate this. My insides are giving all sorts of jolts and kicks.


I WISH I COULD ALTER IT. I DO NOT KNOW WHY IT RESULTED THE WAY IT DID. I DID HOPE FOR THE BEST AND HAD ONLY THE BEST INTENTIONS.

*hugs*


p.s. - I love you. Gee!!! and I hate that... LOL ... Life and it's twistedness... ow! well blame it on my own twisted head...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dad just messaged me : Be an original... if that means a little eccentric, so be it...



Nice, Nice.

It rained today... :)
*smiles* I love a dull brooding but intense kind of weather. It was a dull grey... on the outside as i passed the warm looking interiors of Cafe Coffee Day. I so longed to be in there listening to good music and have a mug full of black coffee.

Well, this is what i miss these days... I never can enjoy or get enough of the nature around me... I do not have time to sit out and watch while the sun thined into the sky... neither do I have time enough to see much of it in the morning... much as I do maintain my regular Morning walks, it is just that even then my mind is busy with everything mundane. :(
It is really sad ain't it... I remember walking up to the terrace and watching as the night advanced...it was like my thoughts growing a deep shade and the night was just a camouflage... I loved those time where I would sit right under the moon and sing... smile as the breeze wooshed past my face... and Oh! the glee when the first drop of rain falls on your skin... *sighs*
The many times Wil and I danced in the dark... the songs and our dreams... for so many years I watched the crackers from right there with Wil and bro by my side... Just admiring each and every Rocket that flew up up and burst into the sky...



hmmm so much for Nostalgia...


Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days. ~Doug Larson


Nicely put ain't it.




And the way this post is written is so totally hilarious... but I do not have the heart to kill this post because it would sure would give a good laugh some day.

Bitter Sweet...

:)
I Finally got myself a membership at the British Library... So! now I can have a neat and continous supply of sensible books...

Okay now on the list... - : Witch of Portobello

A book of Coleridge Poems... (Awesome I say...)
P.G.Wodehouse - Blandings Castle
AND
.
.
.
.
BLACK ADDER - The Whole Damn Dynasty


So... Heres to some really joyous reading... aiy!!!?


Ow Ow

I got myself new shoes :) ... So which means two pairs of shoes this month... Ow! my blessed life...

... now that is for the sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet part of the bitter sweet post... and as for the bitter part... why bother... :) kick it in the arse and stuff it in the devils arse for all I care.



Now... A little insight on the Coleridge dude..
Well he was born sometime during the period of our dear Wordsworth (October 21, 1772 – July 25, 1834)... seem to be buds and also along with Robert Southey - they were the LAKE POETS. His best works being The Rime of the Ancient Mariner and Kubla Khan, as well as his major prose work Biographia Literaria.


Favorite lines for today...

For memory locks her chaff in bins
and throws away the grain... - Anne Reeve Aldrich (Recollection)

Lee Ann Womack - I Hope You Dance


hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)



Really great song.

RETREAT!

the shadow...
it beckoned, I want you it said...
into the night she traveled...
her heart still in dread....

she froze, she bleed...
Oh! her eyes!they looked dead...
she seemed bleak and unkept...
yet she walked... frozen ... straight ahead...

there all of a sudden...
a glimmer...
Oh! it shimmered...
the shadow seemed thining...consumed and grinning...

She reached... she screamed...
she wailed... and cooed...
the shadow is gone... the glimmer only strong...
dancing a wild jig... as if in taunt...

A decoy i see...
the mischeif... No!!
it is felony....
Oh! the cheat... (growls)... that was very neat...

pained and deserted...
she walked in defeat...
green and grounded...
vanity asleep...

weakened and unwanted...
sanity too weak...
grovelling and grieving...
forced... she retreats...

Into the night...
drifting by...
She retreats back...
the breeze and her sigh...

THE MORNING AFTER.

:)

Great day. Well! ummm. Lets us hope now.

Yeah! great day because i intend to make one out of it. So it must be.

So...

Rule no. 1 - Do not let anything or anyone get to you. (Now that is not hard at all is it?... Considering the company that i keep.)

*blinks* *yawns* ...

Well the post is for conviction...

I'll fill in more in the evening.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FEELING FUCKED.


Do I ever get enough of my feelings. Really! they rule me. Logic somehow just whooshes past me. I mean I know it all... Black and white. It is just that my heart just rules my actions more then my head does. And I still go by it even though I know at the end i am fucked. I mean I will regret it of course. I chose it... it is me. So yeah! I know vaugley where i am heading to.

This is an extract from one of my mails, and Yes! that is what it is.

" And yes life is simple. I know. I just took the wrong route. Because i could see you somewhere down the road. it is going to be tough for me to travel. But hell! I love the price I pay for my prize. :) Please be umm tempting. I left a lot for i chose the hard road. Just dont make it tougher then it already is. Okay? I am typing this in 'cause i am really feeling like i am being kicked in the arse from all ends. I lost some friends, some better people, some hopes just because You mean a lot to me. Just dont hurt me then necessary. alright???"

A convo with someone I love.


"If i had to leave I would have a long while back and my staying with you please do not consider it to be my weakness. I love you. That is the only reason that i am still here. Not that i can not live by myself, but I know I can not see you hurt because of me. I just love you"

This what is termed as feelings fucked.
You just throw your senses away for love. Called a fool and still be proud of it. Is it not headlessness.


Some of the most Important people in my life.

~ Dad.
~Mom.
~Bro.
~Chotu (with much loathing)
~Bubbly
~Anne (my wife *winks* let us not let my mum catch us in bed again *giggles*)


Except for the last two. The rest screw my life.


Aw. But If anything will go wrong, it will... So you ask me why the fight? *leans closer* well!! Buddy that is because I am Human and I have Feelings (untamed more like).

Pinnacle to Dust. *cringes with broken bones and fractured ribs*

However, Love I must. *well! I will... Who the **** do you think you are to tell me not to*

Fractured Hope and butchered Trust. *the soul cries... Lord hear my prayer*

However, Love I must. *well! I must. I will*

Call it hope or momentary Lust. *talks to the mind*

However, Love I must.

Reason Lost, Feelings Frost. *Touches heart With eyes cast down.*

However, Love I must. *Blinks tears away*

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Feeling: In Love? Dumped? Bleh? WTF? Ha!Yeah... Right!!

or... No or strike that off! I am feeling all of it. And yet I laugh. Can Someone Explain that. *Blinks* It is Like what I feel (Love... Umm as if that is the only feeling available in town! what 'bout anger, hatred, vengeance?? *hmm thinks deeply* they all seem nullified... Ow! screw you for that.)... Is totally independent to all other feelings.


Ah! Crap never mind. It is definitely my best worst post by far. But Who the Hell cares.


Ow! Weekend. I am going to the Home for the Aged. :). I hope to make Friends.